I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
