Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
