you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
