So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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