he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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