please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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