but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
