STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
