the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
