Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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