Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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