literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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