Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
