can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
