I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
