she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
