are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
