I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
