i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
