i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
