uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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