STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
