either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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