After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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