You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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