sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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