I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
