If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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