Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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