we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
