he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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