what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
