If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
