Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
