I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
