I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
