I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
