haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
