Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
