There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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