I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
