Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
