wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
