You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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