You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
