is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
