my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
