I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
