& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
