come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
