Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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