At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
