I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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