If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My vagina just recognized that song.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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