Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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