i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
