Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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